you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I came so hard my ears popped.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
