What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
