Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize