Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
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you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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