Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
