Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
love makes seman taste better
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Randomize