i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
