my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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