I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
