sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
