We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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