i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
