oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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