Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
