Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
