Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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