Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
