yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
