I'm drive I can fine osifer
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
