i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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