It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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