Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
