I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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