if only i could text you this smell
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
