i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
