no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize