Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
