Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
