i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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