Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
