my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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