I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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