God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
