I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
