Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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