when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
