people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
