I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
