I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
