i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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