Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
