AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
