I'm jealous of your bromance
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
