So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
