I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
