Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
