wrigley field is MILF paradise
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
