He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
