She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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