I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
