This is not my ceiling
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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