beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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