Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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