Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
