i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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