I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
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