Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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