I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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