After last night, I could never be a politician.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
