i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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