I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
