Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Vodka?
Forever.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
