I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
