I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
