if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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