I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize