hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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