i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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