That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
