Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
