bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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