I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
