I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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