Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I just want to make out with him forever
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
