I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I touched a dick in church today
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