Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
