I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
