there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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