Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
