oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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