Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
