Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
