Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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