She is in my trunk
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
