I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
