Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
