I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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