her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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