he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
