you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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