Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I feel like a drive thru vagina
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