chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize