i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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