Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
