he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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