I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
