Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
