When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
