College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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