I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize