Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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