I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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