somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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