WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
