i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
