pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
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