She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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