just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
