Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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