By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
