Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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