woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
