this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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